WHAT NOT TO DO: If possible, try not to lose your cell phone on the eve of the biggest cell-phone buying spree in the history of wireless communications.

Jeepers. I lose my phone last Wednesday. I call the BUU Wireless (not their real name) customer service line, and they say due to high call volumes they can't help me at this time. Hours later I finally get through, and a helpful woman agrees to leave my VM intact, but to make it impossible for anyone to make outbound calls on my phone. Moments later I discover I can't access my VM anymore. Great. Thanks for nuttin', lady.

So I go to a BUU Wireless store to get a new phone. They want at least $733 for any of the phones I'm interested in (since I'm already under contract), but that's beside the point: They're out of all the models I'm interested in. "Don't worry," the BUU guy tell me. "I'll call and order you one and have 'em overnight it." Moments later he comes back. "Systems are down. Sorry. Can't help ya."

I go back to my office and call. Systems still down.

I go on my business trip with no phone. When I get home I back to the BUU store. "We have no phones and all our systems are down," they tell me. "No phone for you."

I go back to my office and I call the BUU customer service line. I get through!

"We have plenty of phones, but our systems are down so we can't sell them to you right now."

Finally, the woman agrees to write down which phone I want (the really crappy one with the crappy camera on it, the one whose reception will blow ass and whose battery will run out really fast and which will sometimes just turn off for no reason and that costs $733), and to key my order into the system when they come back up.

I am not a winner in this game.