KERRY IN A ROUT: No doubt Kerry absolutely kicked his butt. What that means for my vote remains to be seen. I think I'm gonna stay undecided until election day. Why not?

MID-DEBATE SCORING: Bush won the first five minutes decisively. Since then Kerry has been mopping the floor with him.

I AM AN IDIOTIC SEMI-UNDECIDED VOTER: I'm one of those waffling voters who Bill Maher thinks is an idiot. Can't recall the exact quote, but if memory serves Bilious Bill has spewed something like, "Who are these idiots that are still undecided at this point?" Howard "I loved Bush until he threatened MY empire" Stern said something similar the other day, too. And it's not like I'm waffling all that much, since I've made no secret how far Bushward my latest lean is. Still I'll head into tonight's debate with an open mind. I really look forward to watching, to listening, to gaining new insight into the men and their ideas, strategies, poses, and so forth. It's goddamn amazing theater, right? I mean, if my high school reunions were the best bucks I've spent in a long time, this'll for darn sure be some of the most entertaining non-HBO TV I've seen in a fur stretch. Or whatever the saying is. Are. Err...

Not that you wanna hear grumpin', 'specially if you're one of those folks who thinks I'm a hateful idiot for favoring Bush over Kerry, but I'll tell you this: It's not that fun being a Bush supporter. On accounta I've always fancied myself at least partly intellectual, at least somewhat Bohemian, more Bucktown (Chicago) than Buckhead (Atlanta), if you know what I mean. And so that means that not so many of my friends are on my team, you know, and those that are (no offense) are the ones who I've always thought were a little too uptight, right? Not the smokers, not the ones who went to indie-rock shows and rep cinema with me, but the ones in the golf shirts with their cell phones on their hips. Okay, no fair, too broad, etc., but still...even some of my Right-leaning pals wouldn't object too strenuously to that characterization.

My good buddy Mike, the Kerryward dude who I ref'd in the post above, just wrote me back a brilliant little letter. And this guy is so smart and big-hearted that I wonder how I can end up on the opposite side of the aisle from him. From Isaac. From Craig. From Kevin.

My mom agrees with me, which should be more reassuring than it is. (Sorry, Mom!) If I do end up voting for Bush this'll make the first election where we've ever cast the same vote, I think.

My buddy John is going Bush bigtime. He's a former Dade County prosecutor, a self-described "self-righteous Catholic" who couldn't be much more generous, worthy of respect, kind, etc. And tough as nails. This is a guy who doesn't talk too much, just walks the walk. Works harder than anybody you've ever seen, lends a helping hand to anyone who needs it, etc.

Oh, and there's Brian, who's a gentle soul and a Bush guy. He's a kind of thoughtful libertarian, the type who thinks Bush is too tough on social stuff and too lax on fiscal stuff. He'd like Bush to quit worrying about same-sex marriage so much and start figuring out how to choke off gov't spending.

Mike, above, after making several smart, well-reasoned points, summarizes that he's just had a bad feeling about Bush, almost from the get-go, and although he doesn't love Kerry he just can't get past the bad voodoo of Bush. To some extent, I have these same feelings about Kerry. I had a brief flirtation with Dean, way back when I figured I'd surely vote for whoever the Dems put up there. But then Kerry took hold, and prolly largely owing to my post-Clinton distrust of prevaricators and feel-good overthinkers, I really started considering Bush.

Whatever, and too much blah-blah. That's what you get when I get a rare few hours off work and Daddyhood to postulate wireless-style from a Starbucks. So I'll be watching tonight, with some small part of me rooting for one of the guys to melt down so completely that we can all just vote for the obviously more capable bro'. I wanna live in a Purple State in my mind, I guess.

ON LEADERSHIP AND FLATULENCE: Traveling again, Sacramento to be exact. Jotted off a quick note to a Kerry-voting pal this morning, and in lieu of the real and custom post y'all readers deserve, I'll excerpt that note here, for your edification and enjoyment:

Sure, Bush's ad is manipulative to the point of being dishonest. And I think he's stupid on same-sex marriage, stem cell, choice, etc.

But I think Kerry is always qualifying everything, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, which makes me think he's just an overthinking BIG PUSSY. Now, I, too, am an overthinking big pussy, as I'm sure you are, too. But that's why we'd make bad presidents. Bush, like Reagan and Roosevelt who you wisely cited, is just the brand of clued-in and yet clueless cowboy that I think makes a good prez. It's my opinion that the prez is mostly about security and bully pulpit morality and, as such, I like how Bush represents more morality (via less abortion, JudeoChristian values, importance of marriage and family) and more badass defense than prevaricating Kerry. He's, admittedly, too extreme on both fronts, but I think that's a leader's curse and requirement. Pull like a motherfucker and then let the populace be the drag on you. And I suspect and hope that, when it comes to social issues, the illusory (but I believe real) will of the people will overwhelm Bush's moralizing in practice, moving us closer to same-sex marriages, keeping abortion legal (albeit scarce and under fire), and protecting our civil liberties.

I may be wrong.

And I'm definitely disoriented at 39K feet, somewhere over Denver, en route to Sacramento. But that's largely because there's a mad farter unleashing his/her inner ass juices on his/her unsuspecting neighbors. Good God. For the love of all that is non-stinky, he/she must be stopped. Stoppered. Butt plugged! We need handheld fart-detection units up here...so that this cowardly ass-terrorist has to face the music, has to be held (at arm's length) accountable, etc.

BELIEVING BUSH: I thought Bush's recent speech at the UN beat hell out of Kerry's parallel address at NYU. I have a sense that Bush and team grasp the unique nature of the war against fundamentalist terror, while Kerry continues to think that his winning personality will somehow reverse time and win the waffling French and Germans back to our side. Look, many of you who are posting COMMENTS to this site -- Isaac, Bart, Kevin -- are among the smartest and kindest folks I know. I have tremendous respect for you. I also respect John Kerry, his service to our country, and the tremendous sacrifice he's making as he runs for President. But I guess deep down I prefer a leader who's something of a cowboy, who knows his own heart and convictions and isn't afraid to follow them. I don't love Bush. I don't hate Kerry. But I much prefer the guy who's walking arm in arm with Allawi, a man who risks his life with every breath he draws, to the guy who's calling him a liar in the middle of a conflagration. What kind of relationship will Kerry have with Allawi if he wins? I can't help but feel like Kerry is clutching at straws instead of advancing an agenda born of deep conviction.

My vote likely will be to stay the course, to be resolute, to celebrate our soldiers and our leaders as right-minded heroes, and to hope that the good that's happening in Afghanistan (reported in the NYT, no less!) will eventually be replicated in Iraq.

And Kevin, for what it's worth, I read all kinds of sites and magazines. For goshshakes, I was a longtime Mother Jones and Utne Reader and Harper's subscriber, an NPR donor, a Dukakis voter, a Howard Zinn book buyer, a Noam Chomsky audio-book reader. I seen plenty of Left in my day, and I still subscribe to the PETA newsletter and give money to HRC. I ain't no Swaggart. But much of what's Right makes more sense to me than it used to, and you probably have Andrew Sullivan to thank or blame for that. (He's my role model for flamboyantly liberal conservatism. Or is that libertarianism? Who cares.)

That said, even he's not voting for Bush this time around. Oy vey. I have no answers, only questions. But when it comes time to vote I'll take my guess just as you'll take yours. I don't believe there's a right answer. So long as that vote is cast out of love and hopefulness, then it's fine with me.

BUSH BITES BUT WHO'S BETTER? Jonah Goldberg describes some of my troubles here. I know Bush has been f'ing up left and right, but I'm not convinced Kerry would be any better. If Kerry can somehow convince the electorate that he has a better plan for Iraq and beyond (as it relates to homeland security and foreign policy), he'll win. Stem cells and same-sex marriage and National Guard responsibilties are likely on the back burner for most of us this time around.

MR. BIGTIME: I hear through the familial grapevine that, while my parents were watching our Ryder Cup team take it on the chin, my middle brother Eric was firing off a hole in one, winning the longest-drive competition, and captaining his team to victory in his own Michigan golf event. And I bet he was wearing a better looking shirt than our Ryder Cuppers, too. Congrats, Eric!

VIETNEXT? My pal Kevin suggested (in the Comments section of this blog) I check out Sidney Blumenthal's disquieting piece in the Guardian, titled "Far Graver than Vietnam." Oy vey. Yuck. Horrifying and sad. Then I read blogger Belmont Club, suggesting that the casualty trends are not as bad as they seem at first blush, that insurgents are not gathering steam but simply making last stands in a few isolated areas. (And check out the amazing Comments posters on that site!)

Meanwhile I still don't know what to think. Apparently smart, honest people disagree. And feel horrible about the war, no matter which side they're sitting on.

WHO LIKES KERRY? According to former Clinton pal Dick Morris, the answer is nobody.
Like Clinton, Morris may be one morally messed up dude. But also like his former pal Clinton, he sure comes off smart and insightful. I swear if Kerry would just read AndrewSullivan.com and anything Morris writes he'd be better off than he is.

GO OSO! Back in the Red Carpet Club this morning, in advance of a quick flight into LaGuardia (and then back out of Newark tonight). A great weekend with tons of time with my very pregnant wife and son. Took C.J. to the Wrigley Field bleachers for the first time. His favorite player is Sammy "Oso." Pretty funny.

A TONIC FOR MY MALAISE: When I'm feeling hawkish, this Marine speaks for me. God bless him.

BAWDY BLOGGER: If you haven't heard of Jessica Cutler yet, read this story. Some have called her the Newinsky. Bottom line is I think she embodies what always bothered me about SEX IN THE CITY.

BEAUTY: Shot by my brother from an airline seat, coming into Chicago...

DISGUST: I find myself generally disgusted with politics at this point. I don't like Bush. I don't like Kerry. I don't like pro-war or anti-war. I don't like Dems or Repubs.

Sadly I've arrived at the usual "lesser of two evils" place, familiar to me from past elections. Gotta vote for somebody.

My only emotion around the war is despair. Okay, maybe a little frustration, too. Worry. Sorrow.

Alright, a lot of emotions. Is this ever gonna be alright?

Terrorists. You can't live with 'em, you can't kill 'em. Now what?

Just read an e-mail posted on AndrewSullivan.com, wherein the writer suggests that it's getting harder and harder to deny the comparisons between Vietnam and Iraq. I hope that's a pessimist writing that. Two weeks after a jingo convention in New York, I'm still wondering what our endgame is in Iraq and whether or not we're truly safer.

Smart people on both sides of the fence have totally different answers to the above questions, of course.

Maybe my next political option is to turn into a Buchananesque isolationist. But then I'm a sucker for anyone who talks with an air of certitude.

DADDYING: My 2-year-old son C.J. is really into baseball. Any time he sees a sporting event on TV he gleefully shouts, "Chicago Cubs!"

A few nights ago he was pitching to me in our living room, and I smacked his off-speed junk directly into a hanging light fixture, breaking the halogen lightbulb in a dramatic shower of sparks. Since then he's begging for me to reprise the performance, as if I can somehow knock a light out with every swing of the bat. "Daddy, break a light! Break a light!"

He was so proud of me, I almost couldn't stand it. That I could be as reckless as him, as blatantly out of control, made his day. "Daddy in trouble," was another thing he said several times.

We spent the holiday weekend up in Michigan with my parents. Although the weekend was littered with highlights, one was memorably captured in pixels. Below is a shot of an overjoyed C.J., moments after his Grandpa Tom presented him with his "special drink," a fruit smoothie the two collaborated on.

NAME CHANGED TO PROTECT THE, UH, YOU KNOW: Just got this in my e-mail. It's for real. I know the guy. Too damn funny (as long as he's alright):

You may want to give [name deleted] a call today to see if he's still alive. Apparently he decided to take out the trash at 1 am on Sunday night & the door slammed closed behind him, locking him out of the house. Thinking a rear door may be open, he scaled a 7 foot fence to his backyard. Sitting atop the fence, he suddenly remembered he had locked those doors recently. So he goes to dismount the fence, catches a heel & slams into the ground, with his arm breaking his fall. Unfortunately, the arm crushed 3-5 ribs upon impact. Unable to move for 25 minutes, he rested on the ground in agony until he mustered enough strength to crawl across the road to a neighbors house for help. He went to the hospital - and they released him, telling him to just rest. Later, the hospital calls back saying they had misdiagnosed the x-rays & to get back there immediately. Apparently one of the ribs punctured the sack around the lung, meaning the lung would slowly collapse. He'll be in the hospital until Friday with a tube draining & inflating the lung. Visited him last night & he seemed to be okay, or perhaps just very high on morphine. He can be reached in his room at [deleted] City Hospital at xxx-37x-xxx4. Give him some grief to cheer him up a bit.

KUDOS TO THE SPEECHWRITER: After a frenzied listing of all the defense programs John Kerry has voted against, Zell Miller unleashed what must be one of the best lines ever uttered at a political convention:

"This is the man who wants to be the commander in chief of our U.S. Armed Forces?" Miller asked. "U.S. forces armed with what? Spitballs?"

VENTRE ON KOBE: Ace freelancer Michael Ventre pins the blame on Hurlbert. (Hurlbert? Sounds like a drunk Scott Adams character.)

PAGING DELTA FORCE: This is who we're fighting, the people who would take hundreds of children hostage. I don't know how to fight this war, or if it's even winnable. But I do know you don't negotiate with people like this, and you don't wage a more "sensitive" battle against them. Here's my question, my overarching question: When it's time to face down these maggots, do I trust Bush/Cheney/Powell/Rumsfeld...or Kerry/Edwards/?/?. I do know I'm glad it's no longer Clinton/Gore/Albright/Cohen, for goshsakes. (It *was* Cohen, right? Lord.)

MR. MUGWUMP: Just so y'all are clear I'm not turning into a partisan Republican, let me formally announce (as if anyone cares) my endorsement for Barack Obama (in the Illinois Senate race) over the engaging nutbird that is Alan Keyes. (I find Keyes somewhat mesmerizing, until I actually listen to what he's saying, and then I often feel disgusted.)