LADIES LAST: I like etiquette, doing the right things socially so that you don't look like a simp. I do. Sure, in our liberated world, where guys and gals are working side-by-side and nobody wants to be politically incorrect, it can be tough to do the right thing. Sometimes it's best just to pretend we're all gender-neutral action figures. But most of the time I still try to use the classic "Miss Manners" protocol, and I find I'm one of the only people left in the world that knows the real "rules."

One thing that really bugs me is elevator etiquette. The right way to do it? Guy gets in first, holds the door for the ladies, presses the appropriate floor for them. Guy moves to the back of the elevator so the ladies can get out first. Does it usually go down like that? Nope.

Just this morning at my building some guy dramatically steps back to let some ladies in first. I happened to be close to the elevator, and I happened to know the PROPER etiquette, so I jumped onboard and held the door...and got a dirty look from the guy and the ladies. Hello!?

The other one that always bugs me is the revolving door thing. Guys are supposed to enter revolving doors first, pushing the door around for the ladies. But everytime I step into the revolver first (in mixed company) it seems like I get all manner of ugly stares from men and women alike.

I'd like to buy billboards in every major city, or a Super Bowl ad, or something, so I could just blast the truth out there:

Polite guys get in elevators and revolving doors first! Dumb guys stand back and let the ladies in! Duh!