OSCAR BLATHER: Some quick thoughts about the Oscars thus far, not in any order...

Rock's opening monologue was not very funny, and the Bush jokes with the cutaways to a tittering Warren Beatty were so startlingly predictable and unfunny I was, well, startled.

This show is a disaster.

Mike Meyers looked really fat. Robin Williams was blindingly unfunny. I can't understand a damn thing Salma Hayek and that old Cruise girlfriend (ah, Cruz!) are saying.

I think this is the worst Oscars ever.

I loathe Whoopi Golberg. I love Cate Blanchett.

Halle Berry is so pretty I can't bear it.

This Spanish dude singing with Carlos Santana...sucks.

I felt good about the Morgan Freeman win. Career achievement award, etc.

I think the only movie I saw this past year was ANCHORMAN, which was pretty lame.

Thank God for Tivo.

Oprah looks kind of hot.

Renee Zellwegger has to be nuts. She looks nuts.

I'm glad Martin Scorcese's glasses obscure his caterpillar eyebrows.

Oh, shit, I'm all caught up on Tivo now. No more fast-forwarding. Maybe I'll have to go do something else and let Tivo get ahead. I can't watch this in real time.

Was there a time when this show was worth giving hours to?