12.09.2005

WHO ASKED ME ABOUT THE OSCARS? Look, I'm usually terrifically shy about expressing my opinions...but the subject of who hosts the Academy Awards is simply too juicy for me to leave alone. I must be heard.

Apparently it won't be Chris Rock. Fine. I think he's overrated, and his stint last year wasn't particularly funny. (I know I'm in the minority when I say that David Letterman was, for me, by far the funniest host since Johnny Carson. Loved him.)

According to this article, the candidates look to be: Steve Martin, Jay Leno, Whoopi Goldberg, and Conan O'Brien.

C'mon. There's only one person in that list who deserves consideration.

Steve Martin's career over the past ten years has been an embarassment. That CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN franchise is actually beyond embarassing. Horrifying. And that thing with Queen Latifah? Steve is out.

Jay Leno? Not funny. Not. Funny. Not even a little bit. Sure, he seems like a nice guy. But. He. Is. Not. Funny. The word 'painful' comes to mind, actually.

Whoopi? The most loathsome possibility of all. Big fat overrated sanctimonious loudmouth who must be the luckiet person alive. Host? Nost.

So...it's Conan. I mean, I'd watch that. (I'd at least Tivo it.) I'm counting the days 'til Conan takes over the Leno debacle. Let's give the carrot-topped nutball a shot at primetime.

Here's hoping he gets the gig and does running gags about Sean Penn and Tim Robbins.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sure wish Billy Crystal would do it again, he was the best. He works on it for a whole year, and therefore has decided not to do it again - too time consuming for him. I think Ellen is great, I love her show, but somehow I don't think I would like her as well hosting the Oscars. Don't know why, though. Don't see Conan enough to know if I would like him.

Casey said...

Conan is funnier than Leno, Letterman, and Billy Crystal combined, though I do think Billy generally does a great job. I just don't like calling him "Billy". That's weird to me. Oh wait, that's right, I barely ever watch the Oscars anyway. Last year, I remember thinking I hadn't seen one movie on the list. I did watch March of the Penguins the other night, and after all the hype, it's ok, but not great. Interesting, and I love almost any National Geographic doc, but it got boring really quick. Guessing it'll somehow be on the list this year.

ell said...

billy crystal is the only person who could make the oscars watchable. followed closely by ellen.

just my humble opinion.

Morgan said...

Can't someone nomintate Triumph The Insult Dog to be the host? Now that I'd watch.

isaacjosephson said...

I would watch if Triumph hosted, and I have NEVER watched before.

What about Jon Stewart?

Scott Hess said...

I'm finding Jon Stewart less and less funny. That Colbert guy, I think, is funnier than Stewart.

Outside of Conan, I think the only other people I'd definitely tune in for are Norm MacDonald and Will Ferrell...

Morgan's idea is best, of course.

P said...

conan is thee funniest. i would actually [maybe] watch if he were hosting.

The Wife Who Knows said...

Why does the host have to be a comedian? The Academy should do something really fun, like invite Ron Silver and Tim Robbins to co-host. That would be MUCH more entertaining than the lame industry jokes/ad libs/gags that Billy/Conan/Ellen/Whoopi come up with!

diane303 said...

I think that they should ask Craig Ferguson of the Late Late Show.
He is fabulous. He would call everyone naughty little donkeys.

Scott Hess said...

Right, WWK, no more "comics," let's get Tim Russert to host it!

Ron Silver, sorta yucky. Odd facial hair, weird old-man lithe body. Nope. He's out. And Robbins is just a grump who makes me ill to look at.

Wait, I've got it: Hitchens! Wouldn't it be awesome to see Hitchens condescend to Sean Penn, roll his eyes at these intellectually flabby celebs...!

Actually, and I'm serious, I think Will Ferrell would be a killer host.

Scott Hess said...

Di, you're the first person I know who actually likes that Ferguson goofus! I keep wondering when he'll get canned.

And Trish, a belated nod to your Ellen suggestion: Nah. She's too sleepy-seeming, and I find her insincere. But as I said, I'm shy with my opinions...

The Scarlett said...

I think of Ellen as more of a Emmy person and that same goes for Conan or John Stewart. Billy Crystal is the best host. Steve Martin did a good turn when he hosted before and I'm going with him this time. And as for his career, "Shopgirl", "Bowfinger" and "The Spanish Prisoner" were all excellen turns. If Steve Martin is unavailable, I'd think Will Ferrell would be fun.