DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK. Somewhere about a year ago I was quite healthy. In fact, I could likely have made the statement "I'm in the best shape of my life" with a straight face. A year later is a different story. My weight isn't out of control (I'm still 195 lbs. on any given day), but the ratio of fat to fit isn't what it should be, so to speak.

Since this morning was the first day of the rest of my life, I popped out of bed and headed into work early. I hit the gym in our basement, did some treadmilling and light weight machine stuff. Now I'm spooning my way through some apple/cinnamon oatmeal and drinking some herb tea. Kicking dormant potential in the gut sure does feel good.

Why the renewed commitment? I have this friend, right, a pretty good guy, who's gone all fitness crazy. He's always e-mailing me about how many situps and pullups and pushups he can do, what his body fat percentage is today, and how he's looking forward to his next saloon scuffle. Anyhow, I got tired of reading all his self-congratulation while propping my elbows on my own gelatinous midsection.

The deal is this guy can do 32 Navy Seal situps (in under two minutes), 18 wide-grip pullups (without dropping down from the bar), and 78 pushups (in less than two minutes, without coming out of pushup position). That's pretty good, especially considering the guy was barely able to carry his own laptop bag a couple years ago. Thing is, I can't have him ahead of me. In fact, I can't have his physical prowess even in the same zip code as mine, so that's why I'm in training. My goal is to double each of his numbers inside a year. I think it's totally possible on every exercise except pullups. Come to think of it, my pullups goals will be 20. Ain't no way I'm gonna be able to do 36 friggin' pullups. Who do I think I am, Pat Tillman? But maybe that's stinkin' thinkin'. Maybe I should make my goal 30. I mean, it's not impossible. Right?

Last night I did 40 Navy Seal situps, just for good measure. So I'm ahead on at least one front. I'm still too weak from my little bout with death to try and take on his other marks. Okay, I'll admit, I did six pullups this morning and started craning my neck for a defibrillator. And pushups? Well, I think I'll get 80 first time out. We'll see. I'll report back in a few days. I'm sure the suspense is killin' ya.