MY SNL LISTS: Several of you are kind enough to continue reading and to post regular comments. And believe it or not, I almost always respond to your comments. It's just that my comment functionality is so godawful-bad that my posts go into some sort of black hole somewhere. For all I know they're broadcast in Times Square whenever I enter them. I do know they never seem to appear where they're supposed to, within that crap box. Anyhoo...

A friend (sort of) posts below that Rob Schneider is never funny. At the same time, my brother Eric e-mails me a link to one of the funniest SNL sketches of all time. Which got me to thinkin' 'bout a few little SNL-related lists. (Before I post them, let me just say I continue to marvel at how bad most of what is broadcast each week on SNL is.) So here's my quick, off-the-cuff take on SNL bests and worsts:

(Note: As I assembled this, I noticed there are almost no "classic" characters or skits mentioned in my "favorites" lists. I hate to say it, but as I've watched old episodes on E!, I hardly ever laugh. I know, comedy has a shelf life. Maybe that's why. And sure, I've missed tons of stuff. Drop me an e-mail or a comment and tell me what to add. I'm especially remiss with Belushi highlights. Oh, and I'm remiss on lowlights, I'm sure, because who remembers the terrible stuff?)


BEST SKITS
Cowbell. Will Ferrell adds extra ding-a-ling to Blue Oyster Cult, with as Christopher Walken as legendary producer and cowbell-lover Bruce Dickinson. "I've got a fever, and the cowbell is my only prescription."
Carsenio. Rob Lowe does a spot-on Arsenio Hall.
Letterman. Norm McDonald apes Dave and finds himself forever banned from his show.
Schmitt's Gay. The best commercial spoof ever.
Canteen Boy goes camping. An underrated recurring character and the creepy genius of Alec Baldwin as the amorous scoutmaster.
Matt Foley plows through the table. Good writing and excellent physical comedy. Genius.
Aykroyd as Jimmy Carter. Talking down a guy on an acid trip. Dan's finest moment, except maybe for NEIGHBORS.


BEST RECURRING CHARACTERS

Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker (Farley)

Cheerleaders (Ferrell and O'Teri)

Wayne and Garth (Myers and Carvey)

The Compulsive Liar (Jon Lovitz)

The Noogie combo of Lisa and Todd (Radner and Murray)

Emily Litella (Radner -- "Never mind")


WORST RECURRING CHARACTERS

Horatio Sanz's and Jimmy Fallon's stoner, dorm-room recreation of Wayne's World.

Coneheads. Four words: Costume comedy is not funny.

That Jim Breuer Falconer thing.

Mango the monkey.


BEST PLAYERS

Will Ferrell. His presence in any skit -- any skit -- makes it at least watchable, at best classic.

Bill Murray. He doesn't have to move a muscle or utter a sentence to be funny.

Chris Farley. Fat guys are funny, and Farley was the funniest of them all.

Mike Myers. Can make lemonade out of piss.

Darrell Hammond. His dead-on impersonations take skits to another level.

Phil Hartman. The king of the straight men.


WORST PLAYERS

Joe Piscopo. We were laughing at him.

Jimmy Fallon. He laughs harder at his own jokes than anyone.


BEST GUEST HOSTS (excluding former cast members)

Alec Baldwin

Steve Martin

Rob Lowe (was he a cast member?)

Justin Timberlake


WORST GUEST HOSTS (excluding former cast members)

Michael Jordan

J. Lo

Goldie Hawn's annoying daughter

Tom Green


BEST WEEKEND UPDATE HOST

Norm McDonald

Tina Fey

Colin Quinn

Chevy Chase


WORST WEEKEND UPDATE HOST

Kevin Nealon

Dennis Miller

Chevy Chase


MOST UNDERRATED PLAYERS

Victoria Jackson

Cheri O'Teri


MOST OVERRATED PLAYERS

Lorne Michaels

Jimmy Fallon

Jim Belushi

Dennis Miller

Dan Aykroyd

Martin Short