THE FUTURE IS HERE AND IT SUCKS: Several months ago I worked on a book that used some of the futuristic scenarios from MINORITY REPORT as examples of how future business might look. Big whoop, right? Thing is, I got to thinking about the stuff we see in the movies, the depictions of the future where these crazy space-cars fly all over the place and people use laser guns and wear lycra suits. And it's all such b.s., right? I mean, it's 2004, and think of all the basic stuff that still totally sucks:

Cell phone coverage. How many dropped calls are acceptable? Let's try none. A phone that hangs up on me is not a phone, it's a nuisance. Can you imagine a car that stalled intermittently? A refrigerator that just switched off now and again? I'm all for stem cell research, but let's make sure I can call my friggin' brother without having my phone hang up on me before we try and solve the mystery of disease. Okay, on second thought, let's tackle diseases first. But then I want proper cell phone coverage.

Online music and video streaming. When watching a movie or listening to music, how much "buffering" is acceptable? See above. If I wanted the program to stop and start for no good reason, I'd simply unplug my stereo or TV from the wall every few seconds. I'd rather not do that. Instead of displaying the message "buffering," the program should just say "sucking."

Urinals. Why do guys have to pee on a flat, vertical surface that seems friggin' designed to reflect pee-spray right back at us? Why can't we pee down into an abyss of some kind, from which pee-spatter cannot possibly escape? Amount of acceptable friendly fire, so to speak? See above.

What else still totally sucks in 2004? Do tell.