GLAMOROUS BUSINESS TRAVEL: I don't know if anyone finds this as fun as I do, but I love to report on odd places I post from: So right now I'm in the back of a Mall of America Barnes & Noble in Minneapolis. I'm headed over to Minnetonka shortly. Minnetonka! That's a real word!

COOL KID STUFF: A few posts ago I bragged about how my son knows Barney Fife and not Barney the Dinosaur. Another fun new discovery: He loves Jonathan Richman, especially the song "Ice Cream Man." He's also a big fan of the "1-2-3-4-5-6" count-off at the start of "Roadrunner."

I only wish somebody would make some clean gangsta-rap. But perhaps that's an oxymoron. Somehow I can't imagine a clean version of the awe-inspiring "You and Your Heroes" from Ice Cube's Lench Mob.

Actually, that's kind of a fun idea. Why not remake "Nothing But a G Thing" and "Gin and Juice" and "It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" for kids?

"Rolling down the street, eating fruit snacks, drinkin' that apple juice...laid back...with my mind on my diapy and my diapy on my mind..."

"Damn, it feels good to wear a diaper..."

Etc.

GOOGLING MORTALITY: Was reading some Mixmaster Mike post or another wherein he revealed that Google works pretty well as a calculator, so that if you, say, thought that at 38 years of age that maybe you were (and this is just hypothetical) halfway through your life and you wondered, well then, how many months more do I have to be alive, to figure out what it is life is for and about and such...

Let's just say you thought that and you went to Google and you typed in "38 years in months," well, you'd be surprised to see that Google very easily tells you that you have 456 months left to live, supposing you actually do get another 38 years for a grand total of 76 years, even though there is heart disease and cancer in your family.

456 months to go, give or take.

Funny that I find a way to give Google meta-implications.

OFF THE COAST OF THE NEW YORKER: I was a fool for the New Yorker magazine for quite a few years in a row. They were publishing fiction by George Saunders and T.C. Boyle and David Eggers, essays by Nick Hornby and Adam Gopnik and James Surowiecki, and searing political commentary by Hendrik Hertzberg and (editor-god) David Remnick. I was way into it, reading the mag at warp speed each week and sending gift subscriptions to friends and family. Then, gradually, the short fiction started to seem less crisp, the essays less vital, and the political commentary somewhat more wrong-headed. And, I should add, I had a child, which rendered my reading hours nearly non-existent and scattershot -- hardly the right prescription for savoring a highbrow periodical habit, such as it was. Thing is, I was and am a Midwestern salaryman buying a portal into the worldviews of some coastal intellectuals and the bohemians they love to publish. And stacked up against global war and child-rearing, that optional look-see, she sure do fade in relevance.

So of late it's not been so much the New Yorker for me. As a man without a literary country for the past few years, I've pretty much reverted to the odd Internet surf-session here and there, visits to aldaily.com, and late-night perusals of books bought at airports. That's why it was such a delight to pick up a meaty issue of The Atlantic Monthly a few days ago. It had my old favorite Mark Bowden in there, that wise old James Fallows, and the intriguing William Langewiesche. It felt serious and political without seeming like a brag-rag for some haircut-lefty (guys like Wenner, Carter, and Lapham). I don't know where The Atlantic's politics are supposed to reside, but the good news is that I don't think I'm supposed to be able to figure it out. Sure, it's "the media," and smart media at that, so the slant must be leftward, but I'm in lust with the magazine for now, and maybe just maybe I've found a patch for the hole left by my abandonment...of?...by?...the New Yorker.

MAYBE WHY I WANNA BE A WRITER: I had drinks with an old friend last night. Several times he said, "I remember what you said to me one time," citing some purported morsel of wisdom I had been pushing in some prior conversation. I couldn't help but think: Is there anything more flattering than for someone to remember what you've said, and to act as if your words had influenced him in some small way?

SIRIUS PROBLEMS: I just spent a few minutes on the Sirius satellite radio website, and I see that the same problem I had last year still persists: what to buy? I can't for the life of me figure out how to make my entry into satelliteworld. Should I buy a boombox? Then do I need a tuner, too? What about my car...should I buy a new radio, or just some thing to plug into my current radio? What about my office? Is there some kit or system that's the smart buy for someone willing/able/ready to make the plunge? The fact that I'm totally at a loss -- and I'm a guy that was an early adopter of digital music, a guy that has easily bought and installed his own stereos for nearly three decades, and who has a better grasp of computers and electronics than most citizens -- well, it doesn't bode well for the satellite folks. My big question is: Say I want to spend a couple-three hundred bucks, plus I'm willing to fork out the fifteen or so bucks a month for the service...now what? Ain't clear to me. '

By the way, speaking of Sirius has me thinking of Serious, the word, which has me thinking of McEnroe, the show. Saw five minutes of it last night, and it's still just awful. Too bad for Johnny Mac. I think this does more to tarnish the image of a superstar than when Michael Jordan fancied himself a baseball player.

MOTOR CITY MADHOUSE: I'm not going to waste a ton of space here weighing in on the Pistons/Pacers/drunk fans brawl, but I will offer my abbreviated two cents. First, there's no excuse for fans throwing anything at players, ever, anywhere. No excuse, and security and club officials have to act swiftly to remove abusive fans from arenas and stadiums everywhere.

That said, if I'm David Stern, I look at a situation that could have been averted if not for Ron Artest's inexplicable charge into the stands. Artest is the catalyst, the gasoline on the fire, etc. He had to "go" for a long time, as did Jackson, so kudos to Stern for having some teeth, balls, or whatever.

O'Neal, since he never actually left the court, which is *his* turf, seems somehow less culpable. And Wallace? Six games for a push and some belligerence thereafter? Seems stiff. But then I'm a Piston's fan. And, truth be told, I got tired of Artest's act when he was here in Chicago, so I'm not coming at him with a clean slate either.

A fun side note: My brother spent a couple days staking out the house of one of the guys that Artest punched, trying to book him on one of the national morning television shows. Apparently he's got a new gig today, staking out the office of attorney Geoffrey Fieger who's on tap to represent some of the future millionaires who are suing the Pistons, the Pacers, the Palace, and the players.

Okay, so I wasted a ton of space. Sue me.

NO EXCUSES: What kind of inhuman nutballs murder a relief worker? I'm with Hassan's family when they say, “Those who are guilty of this atrocious act, and those who support them, have no excuses.”

No excuses.

It's time for Ted Rall and Whoopee Freaking Goldberg and Michael Moore and the people seeking psychiatric help after Bush's victory to wake the fuck up and smell the coffee. Rall, draw a cartoon honoring Margaret Hassan and vilifying these so-called insurgents. Poopy Goldberg, redirect your ire from Bush to these bush-league thugs. Moore, go ask common people in Pakistan and Saudi Arabia how they can tacitly support this kind of bullshit. And all you folks needing the counseling, go cry for this woman and her family...you want something to lose your grip over, this is it.

This woman, who gave her life to helping people. In the article, she's described as "a 59-year-old Briton who worked for decades providing food, medicine and humanitarian aid to Iraqis."

And they shoot her in the head?

And we're worried about an American soldier who popped one of these thugs?

And we want to figure out whether Dick Cheney is the devil? Cheney is Mary Poppins next to this.

Onward, American soldiers. I don't know if there's a God, but if there is one he's on our side. And if there's not, well, we've got one hell of a massive, godless police action to complete in order to make this fleeting life a little better and a little safer for good people everywhere. Onward. Onward. Onward.

NEEDLE ACROSS RECORD: Excuse me, but was that Suge Knight calling for cooler heads to prevail (after the stabbing at the Vibe Awards)? Noted humanitarian and peace-lover Suge Knight?

What's next, Richard Simmons pimping for IRON JOHN?

GRASSROOTS 101: I'm with McCain on this one, curbing greenhouse gases. Let's err on the side of caution, if we are to err. Apparently Bush is not on the program, though. So here I am, disagreeing with the president I supported. When I voted for Bush, I promised to myself that I'd make myself heard when he verges off the course I would have him set.

That said, I haven't the foggiest idea how I can express this view, how I can "be heard," and so forth. Should I e-mail my senators? Anyone know? What's the best thing a citizen can do (without starting his/her own full-time lobbying operation) to register his/her voice in a democracy?

NO CRIME: I have no problem standing behind the soldier who shot the "unarmed, wounded" insurgent, and neither do his fellow soldiers. Without belaboring an obvious point, how can we question the actions of a guy who's been shot in the face, who's finally broken through enemy defenses and overrun one of their strongholds, and who's been living in a land of booby-traps, car bombs, and other shady bullshit for months? Let there be no doubt: This guy did his job. It's an ugly job, one that reminds us of the Jack Nicholson "You can't handle the truth" speech in that otherwise forgettable movie, but it sure as hell ain't a crime or anything close.

CAMPAIGN IN THE ASS: This kind of article reminds me why I could never quite wrap my arms around Kerry. Talk about rudderless...

BLAH: My blog is starting to bore me a bit of late. All this talk of politics, as if that's what I care most about. Post-election I'm thinking I ought to head back in the direction I started in, with this space being a bit more about reading, writing, books, poetry, laissez-faire musing, etc. A bit lighter.

Just received Tom Wolfe's latest, I AM CHARLOTTE SIMMONS, from Amazon. Looking forward to it. Loved BONFIRE... and liked A MAN IN FULL. The guy can flat-out write, bottom-line, and he's ambitious and entertaining, too. Plus he said snarky things about Lefties being out of touch, which ingratiated Him to Me.

Am also reading a, well, quasi-spiritual book by Chicagoan Joan Tollifson, the second in a new mysteries series I've gotten into by a guy named Tim Cockey, and back issues of Shambhala Sun and Tricycle. All are stacked alongside my bed in a pile of neglect and hope.

I AM SMARTER THAN YOU: Add Jane Smiley to the list of "People Who Will Have a Hard Time Entertaining Me Henceforth." What a big pile of hooey she's shoveling.

NOT THE PURPLE DINOSAUR: I'm proud to report that, at 2 1/2, my son C.J. knows only one Barney, and his last name happens to be Fife. I've been Tivoing old ANDY GRIFFITH episodes, and the boy just loves 'em, especially when young, face-contorting Opie labors his way through his lines. Now I just have to get him to appreciate the profound physical comedy of Dick Van Dyke and John Ritter.

LOATHSOME DEFINED: Sure, Susan Sarandon sounded like a baffled idiot on that Bill Maher show. But now here's Ted Rall telling Bush voters he's smarter than them/us, and that he's lost respect for them/us.

As I may have said before, if Ted Rall holds me in contempt I know I've finally arrived. This guy is the worst (or best) example of where I part ways with The Left. Kiss my ass, Ted.

GWB, SECULAR HERO? Chris Hitchens thinks so.

BLOG MAVERICK: I find this shocking, even as I type it, but I'm starting to really like Mark Cuban. Sure, he's full of it and full of himself quite often, but he also pretty damn savvy and entertaining. Didn't know he had a blog, but read about it today in reference to how the NBA is fining him for comments he made on it. Hmmph. In the meantime, he's got a good article about what music labels should be thinking about, vis-a-vis making money off downloads. Will be adding him to my list of frequent destinations. Maybe I'll even become a Mavs fan.

MORE OF MY SECONDHAND IDEOLOGY, NOT THAT YOU ASKED: My pal Brian (or "Hops" as some of you know him) forwards a great article that, in many ways, is consistent with what I learned as a night setup guy at a hotel, as a messenger and bar cleaner, as a carpet-cleaning trainee and so forth. Dunno why the whole "the deck is stacked against the common man" meme is so alluring to young people, especially college students. Actually, maybe I do: In college, you're still afraid you may not make it, and so you're (I was) looking for something to blame in case you don't. And by "make it," I'm simply referring to being able to feed and clothe yourself, and to gradually eke out some meaningful and not-too-painful existence. I remember (like it was yesterday) when all of that was in doubt...

BTW, this City Journal site (from whence came the aformentioned article) is very intriguing. I'm sure somebody's gonna tell me it's a front for Christian fundamentalists or Freemasons or something, but until then I'm a'gonna check it out.

THIS IS YOUR BLOG ON MOLASSES: Just in case you're wondering if you're the only one who's having major lag-time loading this blog...the answer is NO. Dunno why it's so dang slow of late. BTW, if it's loading FAST for you, I'd love to hear that feedback, too. Leave me a comment below, if you wouldn't mind...

GRATITUDE: I'm remembering from last time that this baby thing opens all kinds of feelings of gratitude, of connection with the universe and its people. There's the gratitude I feel toward my parents, for obvious reasons...but heck, why not list some of them:

• For setting an example of how to parent
• For sacrificing for me and my brothers
• For my brothers
• For taking care of helpless little me
• Etc.

I could go on for days on this one, and if I felt that my parents didn't already know that I've grown up enough to feel these things, this broad sense of gratitude, I'd go on longer. But this post, albeit tossed off as most of mine are, is meant to be broader than this.

There's the gratitude I feel towards Dave and Trisha, for their nice comments, links, etc. Two people who I feel I know pretty well, and yet who are distant from me on an everyday basis. My old, old pal John who just sent me a note about the baby and about the blog. I had no idea he was even reading. My brothers and their spouses -- for taking care of my son, offering steady counsel, etc. C.J. has no idea what a gift his new brother can be for him! My neighbors, who've supported us thus far and whose calls and encouragement are both small and inobtrusive and therefore giant and terribly generous. It seems like the baby inspires people to reach for you, to acknowledge their presence in your life (and yours in theirs), and it's very, very humbling. It makes me jump to this: Have I done enough to deserve this love and support? I'm old enough to just take this feeling and turn it into the positive, the "I can do more for others" feeling rather than the "maybe I suck" feeling.

I think of the awards speeches, where people have endless lists of people to thank, and I understand. Something like this new baby -- and it's not like we even did anything that grand to earn him -- well, it just inspires me to see way far beyond myself, which in and of itself is a good thing. There's this feeling...maybe magnanimous is the right word...where just for a moment, I can see the world through what is a kind of unfocused love, a very comfortable blurriness that I'm in no hurry to clear up.

Warning: I wrote a lot of stuff like this with the first baby. It makes me a little weird, this procreation stuff.

THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL: We all know poverty breeds terrorism. Or does it?

PEAK EXPERIENCE: So with this baby coming as our country is at war, as soldiers -- other people's sons -- put themselves in harm's way...I was reminded of something I wrote right after C.J. (my first son) was born, something about how to look at joy and tragedy together. I grabbed it from an online conference where I first scribbled it:

Some of the challenges I've faced in my adult life have taught me to live closer to the midpoint, to dwell within a more measured universe where the highs aren't sheer cliff faces and the lows aren't cesspools underground. I take things in stride, is one way of saying it. Or like that Epstein book, the one about Buddhist psychotherapy, I have a way of GOING ON BEING which works for me, which doesn't inject these artificial seams in between experiences. It's life as one long peak experience, maybe, and this baby against the context of other babies dying, parents in decline, and also other joys, too, equivalent joys, so that this isn't everything, but it IS
exquisite.

May God bless everyone's babies. (And if there is a God he sure doesn't need me to remind him to do so.)

MICHAEL LEE HESS: Born yesterday at 2:56PM. He's a whole pound lighter than his older brother, weighing in at a delicate 9lbs., 10ozs, and spanning 20 inches. All are resting comfortably.

ADVANCE EXCUSE FOR SPORADIC BLOGGING: The wife and I are headed to the hospital in another hour or so to have our second child. (A planned C-section.) As far as I recall, it may be a bit chaotic around here for the next few days (months, years, etc.). I'll check in as chaos permits. who knows, maybe I'll be homebound a bit and able to blog. We'll see.

Hope all are having a tremendous Indian Summer weekend.

WATCH ALERT: Try not to miss Andrew Sullivan on this week's REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER. I don't want to give anything away, but this blogger found Sullivan to be the only reasonable voice on the show (alongside Maher, Pat "Yes, I'm Still Alive" Schroeder, and D.L. "I'm Known for Being Funny, Not Smart" Hughley, so I guess that's no great feat).

Note that Maher is his usual self, which is to say an insufferable, self-righteous prick. (That said, his "New Rules" segment made me laugh, and made Sullivan almost pee his pants.)

GET THEE TO SALON: I used to be a Salon.com subscriber, and I still find it an interesting read from time to time. Check out their "What Do We Do Now," wherein a bunch of liberal intellectuals (plus Moby and Jay McInerney) weigh in on the road ahead. (Caveat: You have to watch a commercial to gain "preminum access," unless you're a subscriber.) There's a journalism prof (if memory serves) named Willis on there who makes a lot of sense. And there's quite a lot of posturing and high falutin' lingo. Entertaining for both sides to read.

BTW: F---- Eminem's stupid song "Mosh" that sounds the same as all his other songs, and f--- the stupid video for the stupid song while you're at it. Bye bye, Marshall. Time to fade, my friend.

(I'm almost startled -- and wholly heartened -- that 51% of the electorate ignored Em, Michael Moore, Sheryl Crow, Harvey Weinstein, et. al. Hot damn. I promised not to gloat, but maybe this one little post is okay. There are a lot of websites that look a little silly today, from Soros's to the aforementioned Plump Propagandist's.) Even Andrew Sullivan (who I credit for waking me up and who I still admire bigtime) is eating a little non-Sheryl crow today.

POINTERS: Was reading a Michael Totten post on Glenn Reynold's infamous Instapundit site (Glenn has had several guest bloggers on of late) and felt he almost took these words right out of my mouth:

I didn’t vote for George W. Bush in 2000. I’ve never voted for any Republican president. This time was my first. And I did so because of the Terror War.

I know quite a few people who didn’t support Bush last time but did support him this time. And every single one of them did so for the same reasons I did. Because of the Terror War. Because Kerry could not be trusted.

I don’t know of anyone, anywhere, who swung from Al Gore to George W. Bush because of gay marriage, tax cuts, or for any other reason. I’m not saying they don’t exist. But if they do exist, I haven’t heard of ’em. They’re an invisible, miniscule minority.

There aren’t enough of us liberal hawks, disgruntled Democrats, neo-neoconservatives - or whatever else you might want to call us - to trigger a political realignment. But it does appear we can swing an election. At least we can help. And though I don’t think of myself as conservative (I did just vote for a Democratic Congress), my alienation from the liberal party is total. A political party that thinks crying Halliburton! is a grown-up response to anti-totalitarian war just isn’t serious.
I may vote for the Democratic candidate next time around. Then again, I might not. I’ll be watching what happens over the next four years, trying to decide if I’m part of the new wave of neoconservatives or if I’m just Independent.

When I naturally jumped over to Totten's own blog I liked what I saw, especially his cite of this passage from Michelle Catalano:

If you don't mind, I'd like to address the throngs of Chicken Littles who seem to be out in full force on the net today. I just want to clear up a few things, as you all seem to be pretty misguided in more than one area today.

I voted for George Bush.

I am not a redneck.

I do not spend my days watching cars race around a track, drinking cheap beer and slapping my woman on the ass.

I am not a bible thumper. In fact, I am an atheist.

I am not a homophobe.

I am educated beyond the fifth grade. In fact, I am college educated.

I am not stupid. Not by any stretch of facts.

I do not bomb abortion clinics.

Okay, so maybe I am a recent NASCAR convert and am in favor of cheap beer (Schlitz!) and butt-slappin'...oh, and I'm not smart enough to call myself an atheistic, just happily agnostic...but I'm good with the rest of it.

BART WILL NOT TEAR DOWN: My pal Bart (his real first name is Craig, actually -- Bart's jut a nickname) likes to think and write. And he seems to do both pretty well. As regular readers know, Craig/Bart supported Kerry in the election.

Turns out his younger brother also supported Kerry and, after learning of the Bush victory, sent Bart a downtrodden note. Bart forwarded his response to me, and I reprint it here with his permission. See what you think:

Take a day to mourn if you need it but the message was pretty clear last night -the Democratic party needs work.. Now we can sit and bitch that the electorate is a bunch of jingoistic morons, that the Bush/Cheney campaign willfully distorted the Kerry/Edwards position, we can say whatever we want, but the fact of the matter is this: everything broke our way. Record turnout, a continuing disaster in Iraq, jobs numbers that would embarrass anyone, and we still lost. Why is that?

Because the Democratic organization ran a crappy race.

Period.

Poll after poll demonstrates that the majority of Americans agree with center-left policies yet we consistently lose and this year not just national elections but we gave up gains in the house and senate too. What does this say? How did a country that believes so overwhelmingly in things that are important to us repudiate those same ideas when put to the vote? Because we have not organized a consistent, powerful message. We defined ourselves by what we weren't as opposed to what we were. What was the cry heard again and again? "All Kerry does is criticize Iraq - what would he do differently?" It's a stupid question and the Left answered it that way "Why the hell should he have to come up with a plan to fix this disaster when the situation is changing so rapidly - he didn't break it, damnit, so let's not give the job to the guy who did!" It's a perfectly reasonable answer and it's also completely wrong. Whether we want to admit it or not, a presidential campaign (actually any campaign) is a sales job. And what's the number one rule in sales? Give the customer what they want. The customer might be an idiot but they have what we need - in this case a vote. So it's time to start building a platform that talks about who we are and what we care about, not why we should boot out the other guy.

I'm not just writing this to blow off steam. I'm making a commitment today to dedicate my time,effort, and money to building a Democratic party that focuses on these issues. Trading e-mails with like minded folk and fervently hoping that the rest of the country comes around to my point of view isn't enough. From this date forward I'm working to make a change so that we won't have to live through this nightmare again.

Today I accept that George W Bush is my President. I will support the war in Iraq because while I think that it was a misguided decision from the start, it is a war that must now be won and won convincingly. I will work my ass off to prevent further such follies from occurring. I will, of course, support all efforts to root out and destroy Jihadist terror and I will hope with every part of me that Bush recognizes that questioning his methods is not akin to questioning the necessity of this war. I will work to bring some type of fiscal sanity to this administration and do all that I can to prevent a further erosion of individual liberty under an administration that seems to believe that they know what's best for me and my family.

My country made a decision yesterday, one with which I do not agree, but now is not the time for bitterness and hatred. George Bush has done what he can to divide this country but in the end this is a country too strong to be torn apart. I will work to promote those ideals that I believe in and most importantly remember that this country has withstood divisions far greater than those we face today and has emerged triumphant. Today I will not tear down but instead begin to build so that four years from now we will be celebrating as citizens across the country stand and endorse those beliefs which truly define America.

INSTAPUNDIT SAYS: Here's Glenn Reynolds' interesting take on the election.

STICKS IN MY CRAW: It's sad that Alan Keyes didn't get a fair shake in Illinois. And you know why? Let's call it what it is: Racism. The Illinois electorate couldn't see past the color of his skin. And that's sad. (Note to the humor-challenged: I'm kidding.)

TYPING FAST: Quick thoughts on the morning after...

Looks like Bush wins. I can't see how it comes out any other way, and I think the Kerry camp's intention to drag this out is unhealthy. Were Bush in Kerry's shoes, I'd want him to concede. I hope Kerry and Sajak will do so soon enough.

Am surprised how resoundingly the states came down against same-sex unions/marriage. Alas, this will be the hot civil rights issue of the next decade, as it should be. It strikes me that most Americans are content to have a sort of gay minstrel show these days, with WILL & GRACE and QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY, and perhaps to have "don't ask, don't tell" neighbors and colleagues, but not to truly see the entirely worthy human beings alongside them as deserving of all the rights and freedoms available under our Constitution. Very sad.

A colleague just suggested our country needs some kind of reconciliation, some overt act that will allow us to move past the divisiveness of the past year's campaign. My suggestion is reconciliation must start at home. Kerry supporters can start by looking at their friends and family members and colleagues who voted for Bush and respecting their views. And Bush supporters can refuse to gloat, can chase after their guy where he's wrong (stem cell, gay marriage, anti-choice), and can open their hearts and ears to what comes next, devoid of partisan filtering.

ONWARD: So my vote is cast. The election rolls along. Oddly I almost don't care who wins the booby prize of the current presidency. I just want a clear winner.

Had a crappy day of revealing my vote to curious colleagues and then registering their almost universal revulsion. Have even had long-time friends reacting to me with scorn and/or disbelief. Guy at lunch. Paul in the COMMENTS feature. My new colleague Peter. ("You're kidding me!")

Thing is, I'm the same person I was six days ago, six months ago, six years ago, etc. I still care about the same things. But somehow my vote, for many, seems to be shorthand for my big transformation into a jerk or a doofus. So I'm feeling mildly sad tonight, but only mildly. I voted my conscience.

Again, my greatest rooting interest is in a clear-cut victory for somebody. Go winner!

CHECK OUT THE DANDY: A really interesting read -- novelist Tom Wolfe's take on politics and morality and whatnot.

IT COMES DOWN TO GUT: Because I have a full-time (plus) job, and because my boss is living in my shorts, and because my son was up coughing half the night...I just can't pull together a long endorsement right now. I'm pressed for time, and I'm tired.

Still, given how I've blathered on over the past year or so, I feel like I owe it to my loyal readership (intimate crowd that you may be) to reveal my vote, despite my earlier protestations to the contrary.

So, it will come as no surprise to most of you that I'm voting for Bush tomorrow. The good news, for those of you that think I'm making a grave mistake, is that I live in Illinois, and we're already firmly called for Kerry.

Again, apologies that I have little time, but here's my quick rationale:

For me, the terror war (I know, I know, it's not a war, you think we're in more danger under Bush, etc.) is the number one issue of this election. I fell on my knees and cried the morning of September 11. In the days and weeks that followed, President Bush dazzled me with his leadership. I remember thinking, "Thank God it's Bush and Cheney and Rumfield and Powell in there, rather than Gore and Lieberman and the heirs to Madeleine Albright and that anoymous defense guy (Cohen)."

I bought the Iraq war. I still do.

I look at Kerry, and I don't freak out too much. Okay, could be a solid commander-in-chief. I have some reservations, but I can live with them. But then I look at Edwards. At proposed secretary of state Joe Biden. At buddy Ted Kennedy. No fucking way am I gonna contribute to these yahoos getting ahold of the ship of state in uncertain times. In any times. Cheney may lack charisma, but I don't think he's evil at all. I think he's a cold-hearted realist with icewater (and a fair amount of placque) in his veins. He's experienced. So tomorrow I'll vote for the Bush team over the Kerry team. I'll vote for a massive fuck-you to Osama, to the insurgency, and to Michael Moore and his ilk.

Okay, this is more than I wanted to write. Just don't have the time right now. So...I will continue to support AIDS charities. I will continue to push for fiscal discipline at the state and federal level. I will support more aggressive stem-cell research. I will not support school vouchers. I will give money to HRC and to Habitat for Humanity. I will read the PETA e-mails and website, toss off the odd contribution. I will be a big mess of red and blue issues, a mass of purple contradictions.

And I will vote for George W. Bush tomorrow. Because I just can't stomach doing otherwise.