FIXED? THINKIN' YEAH: Ya gotta love a decisive doc. I'm in there for like 30 seconds, she's poking around, and then: "This is a bacterial infection run rampant. Z-Pac, 800 milligrams of ibuprofen thrice a day, and a steroidal nose spray."

Here's hoping my massive influx of drugs will have me riding high on the flight to Seattle on Monday.