REFERRAL GENIUS: In my hotel's in-room GUEST SERVICES DIRECTORY, it says:

Doctor/Dentist: An "At Your Service" associate can refer you to a nearby doctor or dentist.

Wow! Great. I'm still feeling pretty crappy, and I decide that if I feel this way tomorrow I'm going to the doc. So I stop by the front desk on my way in from an evening reception.

"I'm thinking about seeing a doctor tomorrow. Do you have a list of doctors you refer guests to?"

"Huh?"

"I think I may want to see a doctor tomorrow, and in the book in the room it says..."

"Are you sick?"

"Well, I have this lingering sore throat, and I've had a fever off and on, and...look, do you have a list of doctors?"

"There's a hospital nearby."

"Okay, so you don't really have a list..."

"Mostly we just tell people to go over to the hospital. They have doctors there."

"Uh, okay. Thanks."