BULLETIN: A startling message to the citizens of Earth:

Male college athletes, especially those in the major sports of football, baseball, and basketball, drink more beer, smoke more pot, and go to more strip clubs than the average person. On the whole, they are less interested in academics than they are in sports and chicks. This is not unique to Baylor or any other college campus. There are exceptions to this rule, but they are just that: exceptions.

These men are the modern equivalent of warriors. They are revered and feared -- they are raging masses of testosterone-fueled agression -- and it was ever thus. Whether or not this is right or wrong, it is indeed true.

This behavior often carries over and intensifies when these young men reach the professional sports leagues. You see, given more discretionary income, these athletes often devote the additional dollars to the aforementioned pursuits.

Please note: The combination of aggression, intoxication, and money has been known to lead to violence or even sex. If you are the parent, spouse, girlfriend, or stalker of a young male athlete, please don't act like you didn't know.