BUT PARCELLS IS A HOMO: In addressing Jeremy Shockey's latest slip of the tongue -- he called Dallas coach Bill Parcells a "homo" in an interview with New York magazine -- SI writer Phil Taylor and nearly all the other wild-eyed pundits calling for the tousle-haired tight end's head miss the point.

Parcells is a homo.

Kidding.

But he is. As in, I know what Shockey meant. Parcells is a homo, in that he's a big-mouthed, self-important, fat jerk. He's sanctimonious, a know-it-all, and a self-aggrandizer. In other words, a total homo.

Taylor writes:

The only question I'm remotely interested in hearing Shockey answer is this: Homo? Even homophobes don't call people homos anymore. He embarrasses no one but himself by using the term, which makes him sound like a sixth grader, circa 1975. It's so juvenile that the only appropriate response from Parcells would have been, "I know you are, but what am I?"

He's right about one thing. Homophobes wouldn't use that term anymore, because it's so laughable and meaningless. But tons of guys do still call each other homos. Heck, I'm 37, and I call people homos all the time. In fact, my two gay neighbors call people homos. We do it jokingly, because the word is funny. It's sort of antiquated and goofy, like saying "Gee whiz" when you see something cool. "Don't be such a homo!" Another popular synonym: queerbait. As in, Only a queerbait would think Shockey was being a homophobe when he called Parcells a homo.

It's not that I don't think Shockey's something of a homophobe. His track record speaks for itself. But 90% of all straight men I know are a little homophobic. It's wired into the straight brain. Gay sexuality looks a little funny, sounds a little funny, especially when you haven't been exposed to it much. So if, at this young stage of his life, Shockey isn't completely secure in his sexuality and open to others around him, so be it. I don't mind if he's a bit awkward, so long as he doesn't run around verbally or physically hurting anyone. And I don't believe anyone was hurt by his remarks, excepts perhaps tough guy Parcells who, after all, was his target.

After two AIDS Rides, several gay neighbors, and a coterie of employees and old friends who've come out of the closet, God knows I've learned a ton about gay men -- and I'm lucky enough to count some among my best friends. And one thing I know is that most gay guys could care less if a straight guy throws out a casual 'homo' every now and again.

I'm weary of Shockey's whole act, his bad haircut, and his total redneck demeanor. But this is the first time he's actually made me laugh. As a friend e-mailed me, "No way did he call Parcells a homo! That's awesome." And I guess I agree.