SIGNATURE STANCE: As my esteemed fellow blogger at the wonderful Clark & Addison Chronicle notes, Craig Counsell (the AZ D-backs third baseman) has one of the most ridiculous batting stances in the history of the game.

Counsell is a wiry, well-scrubbed young man, and he has a kinetic vibe to him, like a greyhound in repose. In fact, he's a relatively cool looking dude...until he steps into the batter's box. I watched him in person last week from two different angles -- once from near the visitors' bullpen, and then again from behind the Cubs' dugout. I also got to see him on TV, and I got to listen to some of Ron Santo's dumbstruck commentary on his stance. Here's a rough summary of his approach...

He steps into the box with a rigid spine, drops the bat through one sweeping practice swing, then lifts it up high above his shoulders (who was it that used to hit this way?). Next he angles the bat back severely, almost seeming to "cock" it at a sharp angle. Meanwhile he stands straight and tall in the proverbial "broomstick up the butt" pose. Finally, just before the pitch comes, he arches his back, tilts his chin up, and seems to be having a small seizure that throws his shoulders far back over his hips and locks his body into a gravity-defying pose. He looks like someone with a muscular disorder, part Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot and part "Handiman" from In Living Color.

The Wrigley faithful were all over the guy. One heckler's succint message drew laughter each time Counsell batted:

"Counsell, you look like a retard."

The heckler was not wrong.

BTW, don't get me started on Jeff "I'm taking a poop" Bagwell or Moises "I've broken my leg" Alou.

UPDATE: A generous Camel reader e-mailed this link to a photo of Counsell in action. Much thanks to "Pills." BTW, the answer to a couple e-mailed queries: Yes, that's Counsell's signature on the pictured ball. And yes, I do like the guy as a player. He's rock solid in the field and smart at the plate. I just hate the way he looks when he bats. It makes me uncomfortable.