WHAT'S ALREADY STICKING IN MY CRAW IN '06: I wake up thinking, "I want to be a writer." Some mornings, or more likely some nights after wine, that thought twists into, "I am a writer."

Of course I'm not.

I proudly told one of my sisters-in-law that one of the great things about me is I know what I'm good at, and I know what I suck at. I have a healthy sense of shame, I told her, a filter that allows me to "know better" before I run out (into the marketplace, the town square, the public space) and embarass myself. I have a real and functioning governor on my own idiocy. Keeps me from making a fool of myself. And she pointed out, in so many words, that that same governor is what stands between me and really taking a chance, putting myself out there in a way that I might fall, might fly, might feel really and fully alive.

Doorway to greatness? Governor's minding it. Why bother?

Clearly I've grown older, and with age and experience I've grown more reasonable and responsible. Heck, look how nice my hair looks now!

:-)

And yet...as I've grown I've had to shed a layer of skin (along with all the hair). I used to think that "skin" was just the shadow part of me that was reckless and selfish. No big whoop. Farewell and such.

Now I wonder if maybe there weren't some strands of my soul wrapped up in what I stepped out of .

Wow. Talk about a "Happy New Year" post! Off to the soul-searching races in '06!