WAIT FOR THE KICKER: I read literary novels. I voted for Dukakis. I contribute to PETA. I drive a luxury sedan. I eat sushi. I cry watching OPRAH. I write poetry. I don't eat chicken, pork, or red meat. I live in a major urban center. I collect South Australian Shiraz. I buy Buddhist magazines. I dress my three-year-old like Tony Stewart.

I am a NASCAR dad.